How do you love? No, not “you,” general, but YOU, specifically. We all love, whether we’re in a relationship or not, and we all show it in different ways. Many conflicts in relationships have revolved around the very concern “if you didn’t tell me you loved me, I would never know.” When really, it’s nearly impossible to not show someone you love them, it’s just a matter of giving and receiving in the same way.
A month into my boyfriend and I’s relationship, I asked him to send me a list of 5 ways I could show him I cared about him, and he obliged, stating some things I already knew, and sharing some very new ones. He then asked for my list back and I shared mine with him. It was probably the best thing that we could have done for a relationship in such stage of infancy.
I found it was a great way to avoid “I wish you would _________” and then we both know early on what those things ARE that the other person wants us to be doing. While I would love to smother him with gifts until the cows come home, if all he wants is a handwritten card, he’ll always be left wishing for that handwritten card and possibly overlooking the other things I’m doing for him.
Now, this is not a new idea. It was all made mainstream by Gary Chapman in the book The Five Love Languages where he makes some really great points. Some people base their entire relationships on this, which isn’t the route I would take, but there is some great information in here for everyone. Myself, I’m a physical touch and quality time kind of gal.
How do you love?
- Blondie
Great post, one of which many will relate to. There are so many different ways to love. The list idea you mentioned is a great way to find out what the other person would like in a relationship, and another good way would be to spend a week doing for your partner what we’d like them to do for us also. Whether that be taking them on a picnic, buying them useless but meaningful gifts, or simply spending a night in together watching a movie with a take out. The best way to love, whether it be a partner or a friend, is to communicate your needs with one another and be able to fully understand each other.
Yes! AND WITH COWORKERS! In a bit of a different way though, obviously…
Thanks for the comment!
This is such a great idea! Communicating this up front will definitely avoid issues later on. There are so many ways to show your love, and everyone’s different about it. I love the little things, just showing you care, holding my hand, sending me random links or pictures when we’re apart of things you know I’ll love, so those are the type of things I like to do back. But not everyone’s the same, so if the guy would like something else better, he’s gotta voice it!
I just found your blog recently, and wanted you guys to know I love it! Keep doing what you’re doing!
Thanks Mish! I’m glad you could stop by. My list consisted of “showing you care in public, encouragement, caring about things I care about, no matter how silly” etc. He had a couple things on the list that sorta surprised me, so I’m so glad I asked!
love the list idea! I’ve been married just over a year, but with a 5-month-old baby (who was a big surprise to us newlyweds!)”slightly” changing the whole dynamic of our relationship and marriage, I think making a list would be a great way to re-focus on each other and create opportunities to “spice things up”
just found your blog–cute cute cute!
Like everyone is saying, good to have good communication. I think it’s all about the way you say something, not what you’re saying. Sometimes saying “I like spending time with you” can mean far more then “I love you”. All depends on how you say it. I’m a big fan of speaking with emotion.
Great post. I like the message here about how people have different ways of loving, and like to be loved in different ways. That just makes sense! Still, there have been many times when guys in my past have treated me like I could be any girl…gifting me what they think girls like (but not necessarily) and expecting me to be gracious.